"Say Hi to Forever"

Daul Kim (1989-2009) // Russh Australia // October/November 2009

I know it is late to dedicate a post to Daul Kim, but I finally quite understand why she decided to find peace by herself.

People just expect too much from an individual. The bad thing is that he or she tries to satisfy everyone while finding a balance. It's just too hard.

As a narcissist, I'll pull my problem in. My family expect a lot from me. To send me to NY was a big deal to them and everything, so they wanted me to do well in school. However, I chose a wrong major. I'm not doing what I love. Math and science are dead for me and I have no motivation to go on. I want to think, draw and design. Not technical matters. Since I have no interest, I'm getting average grades in these courses and they will be in my transcript permanently. Permanently.

I admit it. I'm scared for myself. I feel like I had let a lot of people down by not studying hard enough - my family, my friends, relatives, etc. Besides that, I have some personal problems, so I have to go back to CA and have a 6-month gap of community college, or even of nothing. All I hope for right now, is for CCA to accept me as a first year student for Fall 2010. If not...

I don't know. I'm a failure. All I do is waste money and time.

I want to say hi to forever. But not so sure if I should...